A New Year, A Blank Page?

Every year on New Year's Day, I sound like a broken record.  There is just something about that day that changes my mood into one of melancholy.  I've never been able to pinpoint the cause.  Nothing significant has happened to me in the past that would bring about this repetitive feeling.

Yet there it is.  Every year.

The ending of this past year should have been cause of celebration, right?  I mean, what could be worse than 2020?  Enter 2021.

(Ha!  I'm not really that pessimistic.)

The thing is there really is nothing magical about January 1 of any year.  We have a tendency to get past the hustle and bustle of the holidays and feel like it's time to start over.  Pull out a blank piece of paper.  Open up a fresh new journal.  Erase the troubles of the past year. 

The truth is that each year (and each month and each day) has its joys and sorrows.  We were never promised all good all of the time, and when we put that expectation on ourselves, on our circumstances, and on other people, we are truly disappointed.

It goes without saying that 2020 was a hard year.  The coronavirus, political angst, and racial issues brought out the worst in many.  It truly was an eye-opening year to see where our friends and families drew the line in the sand and showed what lies in their hearts.  It was discouraging, sad, and often times heartbreaking.  These issues alone brought feelings of isolation, fear, and concern over the unknown, leading to more anxiety and depression than already exists in our communities.

Personally, I also have to add in the deaths of two loved ones in the last quarter of the year. Totally blown away by these events that shook me.  A lot.

Then 2021 rolled in.  More political angst, and then the death of a beautiful young woman whom I loved.  We're only 23 days into this year as family and friends gather today to celebrate her life, and I'm isolated at home for another day due to a COVID-19 exposure.

Doesn't sound very positive, does it?

But we have to flip the coin and look at the rest of the story.

2020 brought more togetherness with those under our roofs (Good or bad!).  It brought out a bit more creativity by taking away our busy schedules, places we love to visit, and restaurants we enjoy eating at.  Most of us gained an appreciation for others -- for being able to gather together, whether at church, around the dinner table, or at a baseball game. (Oh, to get to see our Cardinals play again!)  And some of us found a love for working at home.

For our family, we also had the joy of two moves: moving out of our old home and into an apartment and then from the apartment to our "forever" house that felt like home from Day 1.  It was a lot of moving in a 4-month time frame, but it was worth it.  We also have the excitement of a new great-nephew joining our family soon.  We could also add in having time to write letters or mail cards to others, having more time to read a good book and digging into the Bible more, playing games together, walking around our neighborhoods more, and catching up on Netflix.  

Good and bad happens.  The thing is if I wrap all of my emotions up into what happens to me, I will be miserable.  Has the last year been hard, scary, sad? Absolutely!  

But there has been blessing, too.  Why?  Because God is still with us.  Knowing Jesus is what gives me hope, because I know that he is always there, always in control, is never taken by surprise, and promises to be with me.

Paul of the Bible didn't have it easy.  His ministry was fraught with hardship, yet he was still able to write these words in Philippians 4:4-14: 

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

"I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.  Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know that it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles."

How could Paul have had that peace in all circumstances?  Because he knew Jesus.  Even after Paul had worked to stop the spread of Christianity by killing Christians, Jesus revealed himself to Paul and he believed.  The scales had been removed from his eyes and he saw Jesus for who he is: the Son of God, our redeemer.  

Has Jesus been calling out to you?  "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved" (Romans 10:9-10).

So as we finish up the first month of this new year, I pray to remember in all circumstances that God is the solid rock in which I stand.  The world will shake and rattle me, but he is my ever-present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46)

 

Ringing in 2020

Today I dust off the blog.  It's past time.

A writer needs to write in order to process thoughts, feelings, and dreams, and I've been neglecting that a bit...although I did pick up a new journal in November and have been putting pen to paper more.  Oh, blessed day!

The year 2019 is now in the history books.  As always, it was filled with the hard, the fun, the mundane, and the joyful.  Pick a day and chances are it was filled with all of these things at some point.

Our family did suffer a great loss with the passing of my father-in-law right at the beginning of the year, and it has taken every month after that to adjust to the new normal without him.  

What have I learned from this?  The older I get, the more I realize that maintaining relationships is critical.  We're not guaranteed another day.  Will those in my life be better off for having known me?  As those in my life go through difficult times (everyone does), my prayer and hope is that I will be compassionate, patient, and loving...even when it's inconvenient for me.

All of that to say, I hope to be more present in 2020.  I'm not a resolution maker, but I am a goal-setter.  I'd like to put my phone down more (and in another room) and be deliberate about spending time with others.

I wish you a better 2020 than 2019!

2014 in Review

2014 was a year of challenges for me, a year of pushing myself a bit and setting and meeting goals.

The year began with changes with work, health, and, well...a milestone birthday!  I started a new part-time job, eventually gave up my two-year temp job, gave up gluten (ugh!), started going to the gym, started running with my daughter, and turned 40!

I ran my first mile EVER in April and my first 5K on Memorial Day!  A huge accomplish for me, the non-runner!  In August, I participated in a mud run with a group of friends and had a blast!  Through all of this, I realized that I CAN push through obstacles and reach goals!

Also during this time frame, I began my exploration of St. Louis through an area-wide cake hunt (See my last post here for details.), and I watched my two "babies" finish middle school and get ready for high school.

Our summer was a whirlwind of work and activities with a brief weekend getaway to Branson, MO, where we crammed as much as we could into a few days:  visiting the Titanic museum, the Dixie Stampede, kayaking, riding the ducks, and Silver Dollar City.

Then...school was approaching, as was another job change -- this time within the same company, but as a full-time employee.  Quite the change after spending 12 years at home or working part-time, raising and homeschooling my kids, etc.

It's been crazy...lots of adjustments - some good, some bad.  Some heartache that carries on to the new year.  As always, however, life is challenging, and we have to take steps forward.  Sometimes the steps aren't the right ones; sometimes we make mistakes that spin us into another direction.  Then we have to stand up, dust ourselves off, and look for the path to take next.  May 2015 be a year of positive steps!

Focus, Focus, Focus!

It's pretty easy to set new goals.  It becomes a bit more challenging when making the plans to implement them, and it becomes downright difficult to keep chipping away at the work needed to accomplish these goals over a long period of time.

The purpose of this post is for me to be reminded of how far I've come.  I'm perfectly fine if no one else reads it; it's for me.  It's my pat on the back.  It's my "Atta, Girl!"  It's my "Don't You DARE give up!" message to myself.

My timeline for the changes I've made so far:

• December 27, 2013:  Joined the gym.  Started with 2-3 days a week of weights and cardio.
• January 6, 2014:  Said good-bye to gluten.  This was not a weight loss attempt; this was a "let's see if my stomach will settle down" experiment...and it did!  Daily nausea, along with about 95% of the other worsening and new symptoms I was experiencing, went away.  Just like that...but in an effort to avoid gluten, I looked for things to take its place and ended up gaining a few pounds.
• March 6, 2014:  Went back to Weight Watchers.  Four years ago, I had lost 35 pounds on the plan, but over the last two, I gained back about 15.  I decided at this time in my life to give their Simply Filling Plan a try -- primarily whole foods, which works well with being gluten-free.  This also led me to my next step.....
• March 6, 2014:  Gave up my biggest addiction: Soda.  I allowed myself the points in my daily counts in case I wanted one at the end of the day.  By Day 3, I realized I wouldn't drink another Coke or Pepsi, because one sip pushes me back to drink it all day, every day.
• April 2014:  Kicked up my workouts to 4 days a week and started training to RUN a 5K.
• April 12, 2014:  Ran my first mile...EVER!
• May 26, 2014:  Ran my first 5K, with no breaks, no walking intervals...in 37 minutes.
• To date:  I've lost 23 lbs and several inches and am fitting into a size that I haven't worn since I was 20.

I still have a ways to go to be where I want to be, but I feel so much better.  However, I struggle.  I'm an emotional eater, and during times of high stress, I'm ready to throw it all away and just live for that second when I think some high calorie, large amounts of food will make me feel better.  They won't.  I know that, which is why I've set another goal:  Mud Run in one month.  

Plugging away.  One day at a time.  Sometimes it's hour by hour, but I'll get there.

A Fresh Start

Today is January 1, 2013, and I feel that I should have some profound words to share...a list of goals for the new year, encouraging words about what the new year may hold, something.  However, for as long as I can remember, January 1 has been a day that leaves me feeling melancholy.

Nothing tragic has happened in my life during this time period, yet I have memories from middle school and high school of feeling very down on this day.  In more recent years, this time of year has left my husband and me with more stress than sometimes we have felt we could bear.  It seems that the end of the year has brought out the worst in people in our lives for some reason, and we suffered the effects.

But, alas, I have vowed not to focus on any of that today.  Today has, in fact, been just an ordinary day:  laundry, meal fixing, bill paying.  I do like the feeling of a clean slate.  I enjoy a blank calendar, because that just doesn't last long!  And I enjoy a day to be lazy, which January 1 usually is.

So while I have actually set a few goals (not resolutions -- I break those!), I'm stepping into 2013 with no expectations.

May you have a better 2013 than 2012!

A Clean Slate

To a writer, there is nothing like that fresh new journal...the blank pages waiting to be filled with her ramblings.  In this case, a fresh new blog may serve the same purpose.

Recently, I decided it was time to start writing again.  Carefully I chose a new journal that will eventually hold my thoughts, dreams, rantings, and joys.  A new start, yet a continuation of the same story.  The next chapter or the next installment in the series?

Those who know me understand that my interests are varied, and discussing any topic at any random time is how I roll.  This fresh new blog will be a way for me to organize those interests.  As I start a new installment in my "series," this will be a place where I will share anything and everything (within reason)...things that I want to have at my fingertips for future reference (like Pinterest), things that I no longer need but may be helpful for others (like home education resources)...things that I feel like talking about today.

Follow me if you choose...you never know what may come from the tapping of the keys on the keyboard.