Reading, Rest, and Relationship History

Summer 2022: The One Where Leslie Learns to Rest

(Any Friends fans out there? 😉)

The struggle has been real.  For months.  Actually for well over a year.  I have been running on empty for far too long, burning out.  I’m not going to get into all the details here, but I have been working towards a few things: freeing up my schedule, resting, and sitting with Jesus more.

Practically that means that I have actually been letting some things go and giving up some responsibilities.  That hasn’t been easy.  Removing things from my to-do list has also been a challenge, yet very freeing.  

My focus for the summer is on relationships and my health and finding joy in things again.  

On the book scene, that means I’m encouraging myself to only read lighter books right now and am holding off on the heavier topics for a season.

On the “stop and smell the roses” front, I am actually doing just that: experimenting with a bit of gardening (in containers for now), spending time watering my tomatoes and peppers and taking care of the blooming flowers.  Slowing down right now.  Appreciating creation and thanking the Creator.  Breathing more deeply.

In the last couple of weeks, I have starting feeling more like myself.  I’m laughing more easily, and my creativity is returning.  This. Is. Huge.

Observations:

- I want to write again.  Thank you, Jesus!  I wasn’t sure the desire would come back.  Over the last few days, I have felt this sense of urgency to sit down with my computer and let the words flow.  I’ve done a bit of that.

- I want to read more — just for the fun of it.  No other agenda.  While I thoroughly enjoy learning, right now I just crave a bit of rest.  I’m focused on fiction right now, but no weighty subjects.  Light summer reads, some middle readers (there are some great ones out there!), books that are pleasant, maybe a little on the sweeter side.

- I’m leaving my phone behind for longer periods of time, and no major catastrophes have happened because of it.  😁  Lack of interruption can be a good thing.

- I want to create things.  Lately, I’ve been focused on ideas for a wedding reception and a wedding shower (Yay!), but I’m also thinking through some art projects.

- I want to organize.  This is something that energizes me, and I was so fortunate to use part of a PTO day today just putting some things away in my basement. It was one of my favorite days I’ve had recently.  (That’s not as sad as it sounds. 😁)

I keep telling myself it’s ok to rest sometimes.  I’m not God.  I’m a finite being and the weight of the world does not fall on me — and that’s a good thing!

And if I’m too busy, I can’t spend time with people.  As I have learned all too well, life is short.  Truly.  That’s not a flippant phrase I use anymore.  It’s a reminder that people are more important than many tasks that I put before relationships.

As I was finishing up one of my summer reads tonight, this quote jumped out at me.  Katy’s dad makes this comment referring to her husband and their marriage: “History is an asset, not a detriment.  It’s nice to be with someone who knows you, who knows your history.  It will get even more important the longer you live.  Learning how to find your way back can be harder than starting over. But damn, if you can, it’s worth it.”  (One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle)

Amen.  The work is worth it: in marriage, with children, with family, with friends. Spend the time on what’s important.

Happy beginning of summer!  And hopefully it won’t be another year before I post again.

A New Year, A Blank Page?

Every year on New Year's Day, I sound like a broken record.  There is just something about that day that changes my mood into one of melancholy.  I've never been able to pinpoint the cause.  Nothing significant has happened to me in the past that would bring about this repetitive feeling.

Yet there it is.  Every year.

The ending of this past year should have been cause of celebration, right?  I mean, what could be worse than 2020?  Enter 2021.

(Ha!  I'm not really that pessimistic.)

The thing is there really is nothing magical about January 1 of any year.  We have a tendency to get past the hustle and bustle of the holidays and feel like it's time to start over.  Pull out a blank piece of paper.  Open up a fresh new journal.  Erase the troubles of the past year. 

The truth is that each year (and each month and each day) has its joys and sorrows.  We were never promised all good all of the time, and when we put that expectation on ourselves, on our circumstances, and on other people, we are truly disappointed.

It goes without saying that 2020 was a hard year.  The coronavirus, political angst, and racial issues brought out the worst in many.  It truly was an eye-opening year to see where our friends and families drew the line in the sand and showed what lies in their hearts.  It was discouraging, sad, and often times heartbreaking.  These issues alone brought feelings of isolation, fear, and concern over the unknown, leading to more anxiety and depression than already exists in our communities.

Personally, I also have to add in the deaths of two loved ones in the last quarter of the year. Totally blown away by these events that shook me.  A lot.

Then 2021 rolled in.  More political angst, and then the death of a beautiful young woman whom I loved.  We're only 23 days into this year as family and friends gather today to celebrate her life, and I'm isolated at home for another day due to a COVID-19 exposure.

Doesn't sound very positive, does it?

But we have to flip the coin and look at the rest of the story.

2020 brought more togetherness with those under our roofs (Good or bad!).  It brought out a bit more creativity by taking away our busy schedules, places we love to visit, and restaurants we enjoy eating at.  Most of us gained an appreciation for others -- for being able to gather together, whether at church, around the dinner table, or at a baseball game. (Oh, to get to see our Cardinals play again!)  And some of us found a love for working at home.

For our family, we also had the joy of two moves: moving out of our old home and into an apartment and then from the apartment to our "forever" house that felt like home from Day 1.  It was a lot of moving in a 4-month time frame, but it was worth it.  We also have the excitement of a new great-nephew joining our family soon.  We could also add in having time to write letters or mail cards to others, having more time to read a good book and digging into the Bible more, playing games together, walking around our neighborhoods more, and catching up on Netflix.  

Good and bad happens.  The thing is if I wrap all of my emotions up into what happens to me, I will be miserable.  Has the last year been hard, scary, sad? Absolutely!  

But there has been blessing, too.  Why?  Because God is still with us.  Knowing Jesus is what gives me hope, because I know that he is always there, always in control, is never taken by surprise, and promises to be with me.

Paul of the Bible didn't have it easy.  His ministry was fraught with hardship, yet he was still able to write these words in Philippians 4:4-14: 

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

"I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.  Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know that it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles."

How could Paul have had that peace in all circumstances?  Because he knew Jesus.  Even after Paul had worked to stop the spread of Christianity by killing Christians, Jesus revealed himself to Paul and he believed.  The scales had been removed from his eyes and he saw Jesus for who he is: the Son of God, our redeemer.  

Has Jesus been calling out to you?  "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved" (Romans 10:9-10).

So as we finish up the first month of this new year, I pray to remember in all circumstances that God is the solid rock in which I stand.  The world will shake and rattle me, but he is my ever-present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46)

 

Ringing in 2020

Today I dust off the blog.  It's past time.

A writer needs to write in order to process thoughts, feelings, and dreams, and I've been neglecting that a bit...although I did pick up a new journal in November and have been putting pen to paper more.  Oh, blessed day!

The year 2019 is now in the history books.  As always, it was filled with the hard, the fun, the mundane, and the joyful.  Pick a day and chances are it was filled with all of these things at some point.

Our family did suffer a great loss with the passing of my father-in-law right at the beginning of the year, and it has taken every month after that to adjust to the new normal without him.  

What have I learned from this?  The older I get, the more I realize that maintaining relationships is critical.  We're not guaranteed another day.  Will those in my life be better off for having known me?  As those in my life go through difficult times (everyone does), my prayer and hope is that I will be compassionate, patient, and loving...even when it's inconvenient for me.

All of that to say, I hope to be more present in 2020.  I'm not a resolution maker, but I am a goal-setter.  I'd like to put my phone down more (and in another room) and be deliberate about spending time with others.

I wish you a better 2020 than 2019!