O Holy Night

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining.  It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Tears spring to my eyes as I sing this Christmas carol every year.  Besides the beautiful music, deep truths lie within the words and remind me of the glory and power of God demonstrated in his son.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.

This line is one of the most powerful to me.  Before Christ entered the world, his creation yearned deeply for him.  The same yearning applies before we come to know him as our Lord or any time we choose to worship something else besides him.

Oftentimes in the church we are most encouraged by the testimonies of Christians with an amazing conversion story that tells of the depth of their sin prior to meeting Jesus and the dramatic change that comes after.  (These stories are awesome!)  

What we sometimes forget is that regardless of our stage of life or faith journey, we are all at risk of replacing Jesus with something else that we think will fulfill that longing for worth, that will fill that void that often displays itself as discontentment or dissatisfaction.  Anytime one of us turns from those empty “God replacements” is cause for celebration.  (Considering I was nine-years-old when I trusted Jesus as my Savior, a majority of my struggles with sin have taken place after I became a Christian.  I have had many opportunities to celebrate!)

Think about a time in your life (maybe that time is now) when that longing for something to fill your soul is so strong and the search to find something to satisfy it is coming up short.  Those are the times we are searching for our God who makes himself known to us as the Creator, as the Holy Spirit, and as Jesus who made the relationship even more personal by entering our world in the flesh.

Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, And in His name all oppression shall cease.

May we worship him with reverence and admiration this Christmas season.

Fall on your knees…Oh hear the angel voices…Oh night divine…Oh night when Christ was born

Exposed to the Elements

"We hear a Christian assure someone that he will 'pray over' his problem, knowing full well that he intends to use prayer as a substitute for service.  It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs may be supplied than to actually supply them." A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men.

Lately I have encountered more people on the street.  Out of all the years I worked in Haiti where homelessness is common, it's a situation at home that I realize I need to face.  Judgment and preconceived notions tend to creep in.

I struggle.

I am skeptical.

I have trouble looking a person in the eye who is holding a sign at a busy intersection or leaning against a building along a busy road.

I battle between the feeling that I should do something and the feeling that the person probably isn't truly in need.

I am facing this battle.

During my drive each week to south St. Louis, I pass someone standing on the corner after I exit the highway.  It's not always the same person; sometimes it is.  I catch myself taking quick glances when I don't think said person is paying attention...and my battle begins: Should I help?  Or Not?  I kept falling on the side of "not."  My gut would say, "Don't ignore it," but my head would tell me to keep going.

One day while perusing the library, I stumbled across the book Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski.

Now I can't see things the same way.

A few ways in which my eyes are opening in regards to the homeless in my community:

• It is exhausting to spend hours trying to find the basic things a person needs in any given day when he doesn't have regular access to a kitchen, a toilet, or a safe place to sleep.  (And I complain because my daughter uses all the hot water in the morning...)
• The need for people to offer friendship and encouragement is real.  In the book, the author talks about what he witnessed when a youth group came to work at a mission he was staying in.

"Over the next few days, I watched a subtle transformation happening in them, too.  The kids moved from timidity and caution to comfort and confidence.  By the end of the week, most of them were enjoying themselves, bringing a welcome gift of friendship and encouragement to the whole place.  Something critical is missing in places that care for the broken and needy if the only people there are also broken and needy.  Without the presence of people in the rescue missions whose lives are not defined by addiction, alcoholism, crime, and mental illness, there is little positive influence" (Yankosi  36).

• Whether or not I am able to help in a certain situation, eye contact, conversation, and basic human interaction show respect and allow a person to maintain their dignity.
• We are all messed up, so why do I tend to have an attitude of superiority...because my actions haven't landed me on the streets?

I started looking for ways I could begin moving out of my comfort zone and came across this blog post that addressed some of the issues I have been battling.  Should I make up bags to give to the man or woman usually on the corner I drive past every week?  Should I carry a few extra bucks?  Should I focus on donating to or serving in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter or a shower ministry?

This can become controversial when one starts looking for ideas.  What I do know is immediate needs should be met, but working towards long-term changes is critical.  

I don't have many answers yet, but my heart is changing and I'm working to do the hard things instead of avoiding the topic.

I am encouraged by stories of those who are on the front lines serving the broken, like Jake Austin with Shower to the People.  Jake's wife and mother-in-law traveled with me on my first trip to Haiti 12 years ago. Talk about people who love others where they are!

Although I don't know where I am headed with all of this, Tozer's words ring true: we too often use prayer as a "substitute for service."  May that be something we reconsider in all areas.

Doodle

Today I said goodbye to my buddy, my pup who has been by my side for the last 9 years.  It came as a total surprise, and I am still struggling to believe that he's not going to walk into my room at any minute.

We adopted Jack from the APA when he was a year old.  We knew nothing about Labradoodles at the time, but he was a sweet dog and the first (and only) pup we visited with on the first day we began looking for a new addition to the family.  We lucked out, plain and simple.

Jack immediately fit in to our family.  He was extremely active, and if he had a ball with him, he was in heaven.  He never met a tennis ball he didn't love, and he would fetch all day if you let him.  As he aged, sometimes those hours of fetch ended up with a dose of an anti-inflammatory, but it never seemed to slow him down much.  He had taken more breaks in the last couple of years, but then he would trot over again and drop his ball at your feet.

Jack never met a person he didn't like, and the feeling was mutual.  Our two closest neighbors considered him part of the family.  They'd play ball with him, let him hang out with them if they were working outside, and in general enjoyed having him around (for the most part.  I guarantee he was underfoot at times, too.)  I'll never forget the time when a maintenance worker, who had done work at the neighbor's house a week before ours, knocked on the door to let me know he was there and asked where Jack was.  I had never met the worker before, but he had played ball with Jack when he was working across the street.  Unfortunately, Jack was at the groomer that day, but that's a prime example of the type of pup Jack was.  Friend to all.

Jack needed to be close to his people.  He would lie down on my feet or climb on the couch and put his head on my lap.  He would lie down in the kitchen a few feet away while I cooked or lie down under the table if that's where someone was sitting.  Devoted buddy.

I mentioned that he was active.  His favorite place was running around outside on our three acres.  Four years ago, we almost lost him because of this, however.  Jack came across a wild animal (believed to have been a mountain lion), and he was attacked.  Our vet did surgery on him and I believe saved his life.  After that, he didn't roam as much and stayed closer to the house, but he still preferred to be outside and loved it even more if one of his people were out there, too.

Friday night, Jack kept waking us up because he was coughing.  Then he'd want to go outside.  He sounded like he was going to vomit a couple of times, but never did.  We assumed he had gotten into something, like he often did.  All day Saturday, I thought he was moving slower and he just didn't seem himself, but it was not an obvious situation of knowing something serious was going on.  Again, just assumed his belly was upset.  Sunday night, after he didn't eat dinner, I started feeling around on his belly and noticed how hard it was.  I also realized he had never vomited like he would normally have had he eaten something bad.  Things just weren't right, but I couldn't pinpoint the problem.  I was concerned he might have had a blockage or something and called an animal hospital.  They told me they needed to see him.  Still from the time we left until the time the vet came back to talk to me after his X-rays, I thought Jack was ok.

What I did not expect to hear:  "He has a large tumor on his spleen."  He was bleeding and had an infection.  The outlook was grim.  Without rehashing the details, I decided to take him home to let him see the kids one more time, to allow them to say goodbye.  I was told he may not make it through the night.  He did, but it was a rough night.  He was obviously uncomfortable and having trouble breathing.  We were able to get into our regular vet right away when the office opened and went over everything again.  The conclusion was there was no good solution for him, and we said our gut-wrenching goodbyes to him.  

I can't believe how fast everything happened.  I miss him like crazy and can't believe my buddy is gone.  He walked with me through some hard stuff: finishing my degree, our adoption process, and many, many other things.  I could always count on him.

May you have an endless supply of tennis balls, Doodle.  I love you forever!

http://www.apamo.org/jack-the-social-butterfly/

2014 in Review

2014 was a year of challenges for me, a year of pushing myself a bit and setting and meeting goals.

The year began with changes with work, health, and, well...a milestone birthday!  I started a new part-time job, eventually gave up my two-year temp job, gave up gluten (ugh!), started going to the gym, started running with my daughter, and turned 40!

I ran my first mile EVER in April and my first 5K on Memorial Day!  A huge accomplish for me, the non-runner!  In August, I participated in a mud run with a group of friends and had a blast!  Through all of this, I realized that I CAN push through obstacles and reach goals!

Also during this time frame, I began my exploration of St. Louis through an area-wide cake hunt (See my last post here for details.), and I watched my two "babies" finish middle school and get ready for high school.

Our summer was a whirlwind of work and activities with a brief weekend getaway to Branson, MO, where we crammed as much as we could into a few days:  visiting the Titanic museum, the Dixie Stampede, kayaking, riding the ducks, and Silver Dollar City.

Then...school was approaching, as was another job change -- this time within the same company, but as a full-time employee.  Quite the change after spending 12 years at home or working part-time, raising and homeschooling my kids, etc.

It's been crazy...lots of adjustments - some good, some bad.  Some heartache that carries on to the new year.  As always, however, life is challenging, and we have to take steps forward.  Sometimes the steps aren't the right ones; sometimes we make mistakes that spin us into another direction.  Then we have to stand up, dust ourselves off, and look for the path to take next.  May 2015 be a year of positive steps!

Exploring St. Louis

St. Louis celebrated 250 years in 2014.  As part of the celebration, 250+ cakes were painted by various artists and placed at landmarks, popular spots, and some voter-chosen places.  

How did this work?  A map and spreadsheet were posted online with each cake location as they were placed.  So it was a scavenger hunt of sorts.

Once I found out about the cakes, I was hooked.  Some of my friends may have rolled their eyes, asked me why, or wondered why I spent so much time hunting for these amazing cakes.  However, for me, the reason was simple:  I love my city!  I love art!  I love a challenge!  This was a fun way for me to explore St. Louis and the surrounding areas.  

At first, my family was game for the hunt, but that soon faded.  :)  Usually, I had at least one person with me to ensure we had someone in the pic with the cake, but eventually I realized I would only get them all if I headed off on my own from time to time.  

My hunt began on April 19, 2014, in Belleville, IL, with this cake at Eckert's Orchards:

Along the way, I found some amazing cakes and will share just a few of my favorites so I don't bore you!

Busch Stadium after a St. Louis Cardinals game:

St. Louis Public Library.  Being a book-lover, this easily became one of my favorites.  At the end of the time the cakes would be on display (end of 2014), some of the cakes were auctioned off to raise money for a project for downtown St. Louis, and this was one of them.  Don't think I didn't have discussions about bidding on this baby to add to my yard!  :)  Unfortunately, it was out of my budget... 

The Soulard area is the home of the annual Mardi Gras Parade.  I loved this cake!  Fun art and bright colors!

Shakespeare Festival:

Imo's Pizza, home of some great St. Louis style pizza!

St. Louis University, home of the Billikens!

One of several cakes in Alton, IL.  This is one of the areas I had fun exploring and learned a bit about.

One of my favorite shots.  I love old churches.

An amazing cake in Collinsville, IL, underneath the largest catsup bottle!

And we can't forget the Arch:

I "ended" my hunt on December 28.  I knew that many of the cakes would start moving as the time for the displays came to an end.  My last day of hunting involved six hours of driving to some of the far away places, and I came home with eleven cake pictures.  That definitely wasn't a large amount of cakes to find, until you realize that the travel time between many of the cakes was 30-45 minutes.  I ended my hunt here, at Mary Meachum Freedom Crossing:  

This was my #235.  I was short of my goal, but pleased with the number I found.  THEN...several of the cakes were moved to the location of a big New Year's Eve celebration, and I found four more that I hadn't already seen.  I don't include those in my "official" count, because I didn't find them on location.  However, on NYE a brand new cake was revealed!  It's gorgeous and kind of a compilation of many of the other cakes that were displayed.  I was able to go see the cake on January 2, 2015, and finish my hunt.

Officially, I found 236 on location + 4 at the NYE cake gathering.  So. Much. Fun.  

I was born and raised in the St. Louis area.  I celebrated my 40th birthday this year, as St. Louis celebrated its 250th.  I stumbled across places I had never been to before -- some because I just had never gotten around to it and others because I didn't even know about them.  There are things on our list of things-to-do now that we've discovered some new places, and we plan to continue our exploration on our own as we celebrate our city.  

It's been a rough year for St. Louis; we've had way too much heartache.  However, we're strong and resilient, and I believe we'll grow stronger together as a people as we embrace both our similarities and our differences.

Menu Plans: 8/17-8/29

In an effort to keep on top of things at home after returning to work full-time last week, I've tried including a balance of crockpot and freezer meals.  It's going to take me a month or so to get into a good rhythm with these changes, but the need to watch the food budget is keeping me motivated right now.

8/17: Grill:  bratwurst and marinated tilapia
8/18:  Vegetarian Chili Ole (crockpot)
8/19:  Buffalo Chicken Mac (Quinoa) & Cheese (cooked and froze chicken and quinoa ahead of time and assembled day of)
8/20:  GF Meatloaf and Potatoes (crockpot - Made meatloaf and froze ahead of time.  Great new recipe!)
8/21:  Frozen Pizza
8/22:  Leftovers
8/23:  Ate at Festival of Nations
8/24:  Still plenty of leftovers :)
8/25:  Creamy Key Lime Chicken Enchiladas (Made ahead of time for the freezer)
8/26:  Southwestern Quinoa (made ahead of time for the freezer) and chicken sausages
8/27:  French Bread Pizzas (regular, vegetarian, and GF versions)
8/28:  Leftovers or fast food
8/29:  Filets with Sour Cream and cheese

Focus, Focus, Focus!

It's pretty easy to set new goals.  It becomes a bit more challenging when making the plans to implement them, and it becomes downright difficult to keep chipping away at the work needed to accomplish these goals over a long period of time.

The purpose of this post is for me to be reminded of how far I've come.  I'm perfectly fine if no one else reads it; it's for me.  It's my pat on the back.  It's my "Atta, Girl!"  It's my "Don't You DARE give up!" message to myself.

My timeline for the changes I've made so far:

• December 27, 2013:  Joined the gym.  Started with 2-3 days a week of weights and cardio.
• January 6, 2014:  Said good-bye to gluten.  This was not a weight loss attempt; this was a "let's see if my stomach will settle down" experiment...and it did!  Daily nausea, along with about 95% of the other worsening and new symptoms I was experiencing, went away.  Just like that...but in an effort to avoid gluten, I looked for things to take its place and ended up gaining a few pounds.
• March 6, 2014:  Went back to Weight Watchers.  Four years ago, I had lost 35 pounds on the plan, but over the last two, I gained back about 15.  I decided at this time in my life to give their Simply Filling Plan a try -- primarily whole foods, which works well with being gluten-free.  This also led me to my next step.....
• March 6, 2014:  Gave up my biggest addiction: Soda.  I allowed myself the points in my daily counts in case I wanted one at the end of the day.  By Day 3, I realized I wouldn't drink another Coke or Pepsi, because one sip pushes me back to drink it all day, every day.
• April 2014:  Kicked up my workouts to 4 days a week and started training to RUN a 5K.
• April 12, 2014:  Ran my first mile...EVER!
• May 26, 2014:  Ran my first 5K, with no breaks, no walking intervals...in 37 minutes.
• To date:  I've lost 23 lbs and several inches and am fitting into a size that I haven't worn since I was 20.

I still have a ways to go to be where I want to be, but I feel so much better.  However, I struggle.  I'm an emotional eater, and during times of high stress, I'm ready to throw it all away and just live for that second when I think some high calorie, large amounts of food will make me feel better.  They won't.  I know that, which is why I've set another goal:  Mud Run in one month.  

Plugging away.  One day at a time.  Sometimes it's hour by hour, but I'll get there.