A Book in Hand

My 2020 goals have been written down and are now official!  I won't bore you with the details, at least not all of them.  However, each year I make a reading goal...and I will bore you with that!

Normally, I hop onto Goodreads and record the number of books I hope to read that year.  That's the extent of my goal-setting.  In 2019, I planned to read 45 books.  Instead, I managed to read 69!  What the heck?  

(My disclaimer: when I say "read" I am also including listening to audiobooks.  It counts.  This book nerd will always prefer to hold a book in her hands, but I also don't like wasting a 45+ minute commute...that's a lot of listening time.  I also always have an e-book ready on my phone for those times when I have a quiet lunch by myself or am waiting for someone/something.  It's not uncommon for me to have three books going at once.)

While considering my 2020 reading goals, I felt a need to dive into content more this year.  I admit to reading a lot of junk that doesn't take much thought.  This is not a dig on fluff books; they serve a purpose.  One purpose is to help me decompress without having to always be in "heavy thinking" mode.  These books will not be removed from my reading this year, but they will not be as plentiful.

Instead of raising the number of books I plan to read this year, I made a very deliberate list based on the idea of an A-to-Z Reading Challenge.  For those paying attention, that means I made a list of 26 books to read in 2020.  

Huh?  Not enough. 

Probably not, but this is not an exhaustive list of what I will read either.  It is, however, my priority list.  Anything else is just a bonus!

Mark Twain said (maybe), "If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning.  And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first."

I try to follow this idea when tackling my to-do list at home or at work: get the hardest or more intimidating thing done first; then you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you.

Although I'm not considering reading a task that I dread, some of the books on my to-read list have been there for a long time...like for a decade.  That's how Mere Christianity became the first book I wrote down in my list.  It's not because I don't want to read the book.  However, I know it's not fluff, and it will require some actual thinking on my part...so I keep putting it off.  

Several years back, my hubby bought a hardback copy for me...and I still put it on the shelf.  And waited.  And waited.  Today, I read the first chapter.  It's my frog on my reading list.

Others on my list could also be considered my frogs, but I'm excited about this year's goal.  I may not read a book a week, but I'm ready to tackle my list.  And, yes, I'm going to share it with you, too, but you have to promise not to judge all of my choices.

Happy Reading to You!  And consider making 2020 a year that you challenge yourself by reading something you may not normally read.  I have several of those on my list as well.

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My comments in () refer to a genre or attribute of a book that I used to help round out my reading list so I wouldn't get stuck on the same types of books.

What I Plan to Read in 2020:

A Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (restarting the series)

B Becoming by Michelle Obama (Autobiography)

C Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian (Spiritual Growth/on my bookshelf)

D Don’t Go by Lisa Scottoline (Fiction/on my bookshelf)

E Echoes of Exodus: Tracing Themes of Redemption Through Scripture (Theology)

F Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott (Goodreads 2019 Choice Awards - Young Adult)

G A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore (from the NY Times 100 Most Notable Books 2009)

H How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich (on Marriage)

I In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick (History)

J Jackpot by Nic Stone (Young Adult)

K The Key on the Quilt by Stephanie Grace Whitson (First in a series)

L Larkspur Cove (#20 on my “to-read” list)

M Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (Book on my “to-read” list the longest)

N New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp (Devotional)

O One Blood: A Parting Word to the Church on Race by John Perkins (Church/Race)

P Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson (Truman Readers Award finalist)

Q Quitter by Jon Acuff (on Career)

R Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery (Spiritual Growth and Ministry)

S Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen (Fiction)

T Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Matthew Logelin (Book to Movie in 2020)

U The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri (Non-Fiction/on my bookshelf)

V The Vengeance of Mothers by Jim Fergus (Sequel - Fiction)

W Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer’s Life by Pamela Smith Hill (Biography)

X Exalting Jesus in James by David Platt (Bible Study)

Y You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott (Fiction - First I’ve read by this author)

Z The Librarian of Auschwitz by Antonio Iturbe (Because there’s a Z in the title/Translation)

Ringing in 2020

Today I dust off the blog.  It's past time.

A writer needs to write in order to process thoughts, feelings, and dreams, and I've been neglecting that a bit...although I did pick up a new journal in November and have been putting pen to paper more.  Oh, blessed day!

The year 2019 is now in the history books.  As always, it was filled with the hard, the fun, the mundane, and the joyful.  Pick a day and chances are it was filled with all of these things at some point.

Our family did suffer a great loss with the passing of my father-in-law right at the beginning of the year, and it has taken every month after that to adjust to the new normal without him.  

What have I learned from this?  The older I get, the more I realize that maintaining relationships is critical.  We're not guaranteed another day.  Will those in my life be better off for having known me?  As those in my life go through difficult times (everyone does), my prayer and hope is that I will be compassionate, patient, and loving...even when it's inconvenient for me.

All of that to say, I hope to be more present in 2020.  I'm not a resolution maker, but I am a goal-setter.  I'd like to put my phone down more (and in another room) and be deliberate about spending time with others.

I wish you a better 2020 than 2019!

O Holy Night

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining.  It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Tears spring to my eyes as I sing this Christmas carol every year.  Besides the beautiful music, deep truths lie within the words and remind me of the glory and power of God demonstrated in his son.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.

This line is one of the most powerful to me.  Before Christ entered the world, his creation yearned deeply for him.  The same yearning applies before we come to know him as our Lord or any time we choose to worship something else besides him.

Oftentimes in the church we are most encouraged by the testimonies of Christians with an amazing conversion story that tells of the depth of their sin prior to meeting Jesus and the dramatic change that comes after.  (These stories are awesome!)  

What we sometimes forget is that regardless of our stage of life or faith journey, we are all at risk of replacing Jesus with something else that we think will fulfill that longing for worth, that will fill that void that often displays itself as discontentment or dissatisfaction.  Anytime one of us turns from those empty “God replacements” is cause for celebration.  (Considering I was nine-years-old when I trusted Jesus as my Savior, a majority of my struggles with sin have taken place after I became a Christian.  I have had many opportunities to celebrate!)

Think about a time in your life (maybe that time is now) when that longing for something to fill your soul is so strong and the search to find something to satisfy it is coming up short.  Those are the times we are searching for our God who makes himself known to us as the Creator, as the Holy Spirit, and as Jesus who made the relationship even more personal by entering our world in the flesh.

Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, And in His name all oppression shall cease.

May we worship him with reverence and admiration this Christmas season.

Fall on your knees…Oh hear the angel voices…Oh night divine…Oh night when Christ was born

Exposed to the Elements

"We hear a Christian assure someone that he will 'pray over' his problem, knowing full well that he intends to use prayer as a substitute for service.  It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs may be supplied than to actually supply them." A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men.

Lately I have encountered more people on the street.  Out of all the years I worked in Haiti where homelessness is common, it's a situation at home that I realize I need to face.  Judgment and preconceived notions tend to creep in.

I struggle.

I am skeptical.

I have trouble looking a person in the eye who is holding a sign at a busy intersection or leaning against a building along a busy road.

I battle between the feeling that I should do something and the feeling that the person probably isn't truly in need.

I am facing this battle.

During my drive each week to south St. Louis, I pass someone standing on the corner after I exit the highway.  It's not always the same person; sometimes it is.  I catch myself taking quick glances when I don't think said person is paying attention...and my battle begins: Should I help?  Or Not?  I kept falling on the side of "not."  My gut would say, "Don't ignore it," but my head would tell me to keep going.

One day while perusing the library, I stumbled across the book Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski.

Now I can't see things the same way.

A few ways in which my eyes are opening in regards to the homeless in my community:

• It is exhausting to spend hours trying to find the basic things a person needs in any given day when he doesn't have regular access to a kitchen, a toilet, or a safe place to sleep.  (And I complain because my daughter uses all the hot water in the morning...)
• The need for people to offer friendship and encouragement is real.  In the book, the author talks about what he witnessed when a youth group came to work at a mission he was staying in.

"Over the next few days, I watched a subtle transformation happening in them, too.  The kids moved from timidity and caution to comfort and confidence.  By the end of the week, most of them were enjoying themselves, bringing a welcome gift of friendship and encouragement to the whole place.  Something critical is missing in places that care for the broken and needy if the only people there are also broken and needy.  Without the presence of people in the rescue missions whose lives are not defined by addiction, alcoholism, crime, and mental illness, there is little positive influence" (Yankosi  36).

• Whether or not I am able to help in a certain situation, eye contact, conversation, and basic human interaction show respect and allow a person to maintain their dignity.
• We are all messed up, so why do I tend to have an attitude of superiority...because my actions haven't landed me on the streets?

I started looking for ways I could begin moving out of my comfort zone and came across this blog post that addressed some of the issues I have been battling.  Should I make up bags to give to the man or woman usually on the corner I drive past every week?  Should I carry a few extra bucks?  Should I focus on donating to or serving in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter or a shower ministry?

This can become controversial when one starts looking for ideas.  What I do know is immediate needs should be met, but working towards long-term changes is critical.  

I don't have many answers yet, but my heart is changing and I'm working to do the hard things instead of avoiding the topic.

I am encouraged by stories of those who are on the front lines serving the broken, like Jake Austin with Shower to the People.  Jake's wife and mother-in-law traveled with me on my first trip to Haiti 12 years ago. Talk about people who love others where they are!

Although I don't know where I am headed with all of this, Tozer's words ring true: we too often use prayer as a "substitute for service."  May that be something we reconsider in all areas.

Doodle

Today I said goodbye to my buddy, my pup who has been by my side for the last 9 years.  It came as a total surprise, and I am still struggling to believe that he's not going to walk into my room at any minute.

We adopted Jack from the APA when he was a year old.  We knew nothing about Labradoodles at the time, but he was a sweet dog and the first (and only) pup we visited with on the first day we began looking for a new addition to the family.  We lucked out, plain and simple.

Jack immediately fit in to our family.  He was extremely active, and if he had a ball with him, he was in heaven.  He never met a tennis ball he didn't love, and he would fetch all day if you let him.  As he aged, sometimes those hours of fetch ended up with a dose of an anti-inflammatory, but it never seemed to slow him down much.  He had taken more breaks in the last couple of years, but then he would trot over again and drop his ball at your feet.

Jack never met a person he didn't like, and the feeling was mutual.  Our two closest neighbors considered him part of the family.  They'd play ball with him, let him hang out with them if they were working outside, and in general enjoyed having him around (for the most part.  I guarantee he was underfoot at times, too.)  I'll never forget the time when a maintenance worker, who had done work at the neighbor's house a week before ours, knocked on the door to let me know he was there and asked where Jack was.  I had never met the worker before, but he had played ball with Jack when he was working across the street.  Unfortunately, Jack was at the groomer that day, but that's a prime example of the type of pup Jack was.  Friend to all.

Jack needed to be close to his people.  He would lie down on my feet or climb on the couch and put his head on my lap.  He would lie down in the kitchen a few feet away while I cooked or lie down under the table if that's where someone was sitting.  Devoted buddy.

I mentioned that he was active.  His favorite place was running around outside on our three acres.  Four years ago, we almost lost him because of this, however.  Jack came across a wild animal (believed to have been a mountain lion), and he was attacked.  Our vet did surgery on him and I believe saved his life.  After that, he didn't roam as much and stayed closer to the house, but he still preferred to be outside and loved it even more if one of his people were out there, too.

Friday night, Jack kept waking us up because he was coughing.  Then he'd want to go outside.  He sounded like he was going to vomit a couple of times, but never did.  We assumed he had gotten into something, like he often did.  All day Saturday, I thought he was moving slower and he just didn't seem himself, but it was not an obvious situation of knowing something serious was going on.  Again, just assumed his belly was upset.  Sunday night, after he didn't eat dinner, I started feeling around on his belly and noticed how hard it was.  I also realized he had never vomited like he would normally have had he eaten something bad.  Things just weren't right, but I couldn't pinpoint the problem.  I was concerned he might have had a blockage or something and called an animal hospital.  They told me they needed to see him.  Still from the time we left until the time the vet came back to talk to me after his X-rays, I thought Jack was ok.

What I did not expect to hear:  "He has a large tumor on his spleen."  He was bleeding and had an infection.  The outlook was grim.  Without rehashing the details, I decided to take him home to let him see the kids one more time, to allow them to say goodbye.  I was told he may not make it through the night.  He did, but it was a rough night.  He was obviously uncomfortable and having trouble breathing.  We were able to get into our regular vet right away when the office opened and went over everything again.  The conclusion was there was no good solution for him, and we said our gut-wrenching goodbyes to him.  

I can't believe how fast everything happened.  I miss him like crazy and can't believe my buddy is gone.  He walked with me through some hard stuff: finishing my degree, our adoption process, and many, many other things.  I could always count on him.

May you have an endless supply of tennis balls, Doodle.  I love you forever!

http://www.apamo.org/jack-the-social-butterfly/

2014 in Review

2014 was a year of challenges for me, a year of pushing myself a bit and setting and meeting goals.

The year began with changes with work, health, and, well...a milestone birthday!  I started a new part-time job, eventually gave up my two-year temp job, gave up gluten (ugh!), started going to the gym, started running with my daughter, and turned 40!

I ran my first mile EVER in April and my first 5K on Memorial Day!  A huge accomplish for me, the non-runner!  In August, I participated in a mud run with a group of friends and had a blast!  Through all of this, I realized that I CAN push through obstacles and reach goals!

Also during this time frame, I began my exploration of St. Louis through an area-wide cake hunt (See my last post here for details.), and I watched my two "babies" finish middle school and get ready for high school.

Our summer was a whirlwind of work and activities with a brief weekend getaway to Branson, MO, where we crammed as much as we could into a few days:  visiting the Titanic museum, the Dixie Stampede, kayaking, riding the ducks, and Silver Dollar City.

Then...school was approaching, as was another job change -- this time within the same company, but as a full-time employee.  Quite the change after spending 12 years at home or working part-time, raising and homeschooling my kids, etc.

It's been crazy...lots of adjustments - some good, some bad.  Some heartache that carries on to the new year.  As always, however, life is challenging, and we have to take steps forward.  Sometimes the steps aren't the right ones; sometimes we make mistakes that spin us into another direction.  Then we have to stand up, dust ourselves off, and look for the path to take next.  May 2015 be a year of positive steps!

Exploring St. Louis

St. Louis celebrated 250 years in 2014.  As part of the celebration, 250+ cakes were painted by various artists and placed at landmarks, popular spots, and some voter-chosen places.  

How did this work?  A map and spreadsheet were posted online with each cake location as they were placed.  So it was a scavenger hunt of sorts.

Once I found out about the cakes, I was hooked.  Some of my friends may have rolled their eyes, asked me why, or wondered why I spent so much time hunting for these amazing cakes.  However, for me, the reason was simple:  I love my city!  I love art!  I love a challenge!  This was a fun way for me to explore St. Louis and the surrounding areas.  

At first, my family was game for the hunt, but that soon faded.  :)  Usually, I had at least one person with me to ensure we had someone in the pic with the cake, but eventually I realized I would only get them all if I headed off on my own from time to time.  

My hunt began on April 19, 2014, in Belleville, IL, with this cake at Eckert's Orchards:

Along the way, I found some amazing cakes and will share just a few of my favorites so I don't bore you!

Busch Stadium after a St. Louis Cardinals game:

St. Louis Public Library.  Being a book-lover, this easily became one of my favorites.  At the end of the time the cakes would be on display (end of 2014), some of the cakes were auctioned off to raise money for a project for downtown St. Louis, and this was one of them.  Don't think I didn't have discussions about bidding on this baby to add to my yard!  :)  Unfortunately, it was out of my budget... 

The Soulard area is the home of the annual Mardi Gras Parade.  I loved this cake!  Fun art and bright colors!

Shakespeare Festival:

Imo's Pizza, home of some great St. Louis style pizza!

St. Louis University, home of the Billikens!

One of several cakes in Alton, IL.  This is one of the areas I had fun exploring and learned a bit about.

One of my favorite shots.  I love old churches.

An amazing cake in Collinsville, IL, underneath the largest catsup bottle!

And we can't forget the Arch:

I "ended" my hunt on December 28.  I knew that many of the cakes would start moving as the time for the displays came to an end.  My last day of hunting involved six hours of driving to some of the far away places, and I came home with eleven cake pictures.  That definitely wasn't a large amount of cakes to find, until you realize that the travel time between many of the cakes was 30-45 minutes.  I ended my hunt here, at Mary Meachum Freedom Crossing:  

This was my #235.  I was short of my goal, but pleased with the number I found.  THEN...several of the cakes were moved to the location of a big New Year's Eve celebration, and I found four more that I hadn't already seen.  I don't include those in my "official" count, because I didn't find them on location.  However, on NYE a brand new cake was revealed!  It's gorgeous and kind of a compilation of many of the other cakes that were displayed.  I was able to go see the cake on January 2, 2015, and finish my hunt.

Officially, I found 236 on location + 4 at the NYE cake gathering.  So. Much. Fun.  

I was born and raised in the St. Louis area.  I celebrated my 40th birthday this year, as St. Louis celebrated its 250th.  I stumbled across places I had never been to before -- some because I just had never gotten around to it and others because I didn't even know about them.  There are things on our list of things-to-do now that we've discovered some new places, and we plan to continue our exploration on our own as we celebrate our city.  

It's been a rough year for St. Louis; we've had way too much heartache.  However, we're strong and resilient, and I believe we'll grow stronger together as a people as we embrace both our similarities and our differences.