2020 Reading Goals - Update

It may be a little premature for me to update my 2020 Reading Plan since I still have almost two weeks to finish up.  BUT...the last two books I plan to finish are not on my original list.

At the beginning of the year, I set out to read the following books and then would fill in with others that came up.  I didn't quite get to all 26 on this list, but my count as of today is 56 books for the year - a fair amount of fluff, but also some good quality books.

If you're on Goodreads, find me there.  I'd love to add more friends and reading recommendations.

MY PLANNED 2020 READING AND A FEW NOTES:

A Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (restarting the series) - ✔

B Becoming by Michelle Obama (Autobiography) - ✔

C Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian (Spiritual Growth/on my bookshelf)

D Don’t Go by Lisa Scottoline (Fiction/on my bookshelf) - ✔

E Echoes of Exodus: Tracing Themes of Redemption Through Scripture (Theology)

F Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott (Goodreads 2019 Choice Awards - Young Adult)

G A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore (from the NY Times 100 Most Notable Books 2009) - ✔

H How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich (on Marriage)

I In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick (History) - ✔

J Jackpot by Nic Stone (Young Adult) - ✔ (Nic Stone has become a favorite YA author of mine.)

K The Key on the Quilt by Stephanie Grace Whitson (First in a series) - ✔

L Larkspur Cove (#20 on my “to-read” list) - ✔

M Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (Book on my “to-read” list the longest) - ✔ (I happily

read this first, since it had been on my list the longest!)

N New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp (Devotional) - ✔

O One Blood: A Parting Word to the Church on Race by John Perkins (Church/Race) - ✔

P Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson (Truman Readers Award finalist) - ✔ (Another YA favorite!)

Q Quitter by Jon Acuff (on Career)

R Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery (Spiritual Growth and Ministry)

S Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen (Fiction) - ✔

T Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Matthew Logelin (Book to Movie in 2020)

U The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri (Non-Fiction/on my bookshelf) - ✔

V The Vengeance of Mothers by Jim Fergus (Sequel - Fiction) - ✔

(One of the worst books I've read)

W Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer’s Life by Pamela Smith Hill (Biography) - ✔ (Laura Ingalls Wilder is

one of those people in history I'd love to sit down with and chat.)

X Exalting Jesus in James by David Platt (Bible Study) - ✔

Y You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott (Fiction - First I’ve read by this author) - ✔

Z The Librarian of Auschwitz by Antonio Iturbe (Because there’s a Z in the title/Translation) - ✔ (It took no fewer than 5 times for me to start this book - both in audio and print -

before I finally got past the first few chapters and started seeing why the book

was worth reading.)

So what did I learn from making a list like this? Setting some smaller goals like this one

helps me read through books I want to finally get around to reading, because I'm

easily distracted when it comes to what I want to read next. I do have over 800 books

on my to-read list, and I add new ones almost weekly.

I'm excited to start on my 2021 list and see where I go with that one.

Keep reading - no matter how slow of a reader you may be or no matter how little

reading time you may get.

Happy Reading!

When Equality Isn't

These past few days have brought me a little extra downtime with the attempt to pass a very stubborn kidney stone, but I will tell you that I would rather deal with that sucker than what I'm witnessing on my news feed.

This past week has been painful.  The world lost a man named George Floyd to the evil actions of a police officer.  The video lays out the situation in black and white; there is no gray, no "but wait...you can't see the whole story."  And the nation has responded.  And now the critics are responding to that.

I will not claim to have the answers here.  I am a white, middle class woman living in Midwest suburbia. I know that my understanding is limited.

What I do understand is the Mama Bear anger that I feel because my two beautiful, brown-skinned daughters can't live in the same freedom that I do.

For the last 13 years, I have navigated to the best of my ability raising my girls to be confident in who they are, knowing they are loved and cherished just for being them.  On the flip side, there have also been daunting lessons on how they can't really behave the same way as their white groups of friends growing up in West County schools because they will not be viewed the same way.

I have heard all of the "arguments" while raising my girls that were intended to be encouraging to me (I think):  "but your girls are different," "but they sound or act white," "but they've been raised differently." And the list goes on.  Each one of those comments is like a knife to the gut to me.  Is my response supposed to be "thank you?"  

Having white parents does not protect my black children from the injustices of the world, but it has opened my eyes widely to the prejudices, stereotypes, and racist actions of others and has made me take a good long look at myself and how I view anyone who is different from me.

Before my girls joined our family, I read and listened to so much information on raising black children in this country of ours.  In addition to wanting them to adjust to a new country, a new language, a new culture, a new family, new foods, new sounds, and new rules, another layer of consideration had to be right up there at the top: how to navigate life in a primarily white society.  

This is reality.  It is not an overprotective mom trying to shelter her kids; it is a loving mom wanting her kids to be seen for who they are, but knowing they won't always be and trying to instill the skills they might need to make it home that night.  That became increasingly clearer the older they got.

When they were little, we navigated things like "Why do people always comment about my hair or want to touch it?"  "Why do people say we look just alike and they can't tell us apart?" (when they obviously don't).

As they got older, we dealt more with things like these (and this is a shortened list):

• Making sure when you're in a store that your hands can be seen and it doesn't look like you're putting anything in your pockets or your purse.  
• Being uninvited to an event at a friend's house because someone else who was going to be there was openly racist and would probably make you "uncomfortable."
• Talking about "innocent" middle school and high school pranks that their friend groups want to do, but the consequences it could have on my girls if they got caught.
• The unfairness that their peers would likely get a swift reprimand and then excused for "being teenagers," but my girls would probably experience worse.
• The discussions about how to behave if pulled over while driving and knowing that at least a couple of times being pulled over was unwarranted.

To my white friends who are reading this, does this seem equal to you?  We can't shout that all people are equal in the US when black children have to be given a different set of rules growing up.

I am a firm believer that all life is valuable because each life was created by our God.  It is time that we treat each other as such -- all of us.  Each life is precious and worthy.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  Psalms 139:13-16

When you find yourself responding to #BlackLivesMatter with #AllLivesMatter, remember this: Until society believes that the lives of my daughters and their future children are just as valuable as their white mama, we'll keep saying #BlackLivesMatter because the #AllLivesMatter mantra is a lie until this is true.

Enough is ENOUGH.
We have to do better.

To my fellow Christians, check yourselves.  Make sure that your words and actions are truly reflecting the way Jesus taught us to treat others.  This is not about self-preservation or your knee-jerk reaction and defensiveness; this is about truly loving and caring for ALL of God's children and honoring Him in that way.

A Book in Hand

My 2020 goals have been written down and are now official!  I won't bore you with the details, at least not all of them.  However, each year I make a reading goal...and I will bore you with that!

Normally, I hop onto Goodreads and record the number of books I hope to read that year.  That's the extent of my goal-setting.  In 2019, I planned to read 45 books.  Instead, I managed to read 69!  What the heck?  

(My disclaimer: when I say "read" I am also including listening to audiobooks.  It counts.  This book nerd will always prefer to hold a book in her hands, but I also don't like wasting a 45+ minute commute...that's a lot of listening time.  I also always have an e-book ready on my phone for those times when I have a quiet lunch by myself or am waiting for someone/something.  It's not uncommon for me to have three books going at once.)

While considering my 2020 reading goals, I felt a need to dive into content more this year.  I admit to reading a lot of junk that doesn't take much thought.  This is not a dig on fluff books; they serve a purpose.  One purpose is to help me decompress without having to always be in "heavy thinking" mode.  These books will not be removed from my reading this year, but they will not be as plentiful.

Instead of raising the number of books I plan to read this year, I made a very deliberate list based on the idea of an A-to-Z Reading Challenge.  For those paying attention, that means I made a list of 26 books to read in 2020.  

Huh?  Not enough. 

Probably not, but this is not an exhaustive list of what I will read either.  It is, however, my priority list.  Anything else is just a bonus!

Mark Twain said (maybe), "If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning.  And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first."

I try to follow this idea when tackling my to-do list at home or at work: get the hardest or more intimidating thing done first; then you can go through the rest of the day knowing the worst is behind you.

Although I'm not considering reading a task that I dread, some of the books on my to-read list have been there for a long time...like for a decade.  That's how Mere Christianity became the first book I wrote down in my list.  It's not because I don't want to read the book.  However, I know it's not fluff, and it will require some actual thinking on my part...so I keep putting it off.  

Several years back, my hubby bought a hardback copy for me...and I still put it on the shelf.  And waited.  And waited.  Today, I read the first chapter.  It's my frog on my reading list.

Others on my list could also be considered my frogs, but I'm excited about this year's goal.  I may not read a book a week, but I'm ready to tackle my list.  And, yes, I'm going to share it with you, too, but you have to promise not to judge all of my choices.

Happy Reading to You!  And consider making 2020 a year that you challenge yourself by reading something you may not normally read.  I have several of those on my list as well.

****************************

My comments in () refer to a genre or attribute of a book that I used to help round out my reading list so I wouldn't get stuck on the same types of books.

What I Plan to Read in 2020:

A Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (restarting the series)

B Becoming by Michelle Obama (Autobiography)

C Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian (Spiritual Growth/on my bookshelf)

D Don’t Go by Lisa Scottoline (Fiction/on my bookshelf)

E Echoes of Exodus: Tracing Themes of Redemption Through Scripture (Theology)

F Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott (Goodreads 2019 Choice Awards - Young Adult)

G A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore (from the NY Times 100 Most Notable Books 2009)

H How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich (on Marriage)

I In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex by Nathaniel Philbrick (History)

J Jackpot by Nic Stone (Young Adult)

K The Key on the Quilt by Stephanie Grace Whitson (First in a series)

L Larkspur Cove (#20 on my “to-read” list)

M Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (Book on my “to-read” list the longest)

N New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp (Devotional)

O One Blood: A Parting Word to the Church on Race by John Perkins (Church/Race)

P Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson (Truman Readers Award finalist)

Q Quitter by Jon Acuff (on Career)

R Rethinking Sexuality by Juli Slattery (Spiritual Growth and Ministry)

S Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen (Fiction)

T Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Matthew Logelin (Book to Movie in 2020)

U The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri (Non-Fiction/on my bookshelf)

V The Vengeance of Mothers by Jim Fergus (Sequel - Fiction)

W Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer’s Life by Pamela Smith Hill (Biography)

X Exalting Jesus in James by David Platt (Bible Study)

Y You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott (Fiction - First I’ve read by this author)

Z The Librarian of Auschwitz by Antonio Iturbe (Because there’s a Z in the title/Translation)

Ringing in 2020

Today I dust off the blog.  It's past time.

A writer needs to write in order to process thoughts, feelings, and dreams, and I've been neglecting that a bit...although I did pick up a new journal in November and have been putting pen to paper more.  Oh, blessed day!

The year 2019 is now in the history books.  As always, it was filled with the hard, the fun, the mundane, and the joyful.  Pick a day and chances are it was filled with all of these things at some point.

Our family did suffer a great loss with the passing of my father-in-law right at the beginning of the year, and it has taken every month after that to adjust to the new normal without him.  

What have I learned from this?  The older I get, the more I realize that maintaining relationships is critical.  We're not guaranteed another day.  Will those in my life be better off for having known me?  As those in my life go through difficult times (everyone does), my prayer and hope is that I will be compassionate, patient, and loving...even when it's inconvenient for me.

All of that to say, I hope to be more present in 2020.  I'm not a resolution maker, but I am a goal-setter.  I'd like to put my phone down more (and in another room) and be deliberate about spending time with others.

I wish you a better 2020 than 2019!

O Holy Night

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining.  It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!

Tears spring to my eyes as I sing this Christmas carol every year.  Besides the beautiful music, deep truths lie within the words and remind me of the glory and power of God demonstrated in his son.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth.

This line is one of the most powerful to me.  Before Christ entered the world, his creation yearned deeply for him.  The same yearning applies before we come to know him as our Lord or any time we choose to worship something else besides him.

Oftentimes in the church we are most encouraged by the testimonies of Christians with an amazing conversion story that tells of the depth of their sin prior to meeting Jesus and the dramatic change that comes after.  (These stories are awesome!)  

What we sometimes forget is that regardless of our stage of life or faith journey, we are all at risk of replacing Jesus with something else that we think will fulfill that longing for worth, that will fill that void that often displays itself as discontentment or dissatisfaction.  Anytime one of us turns from those empty “God replacements” is cause for celebration.  (Considering I was nine-years-old when I trusted Jesus as my Savior, a majority of my struggles with sin have taken place after I became a Christian.  I have had many opportunities to celebrate!)

Think about a time in your life (maybe that time is now) when that longing for something to fill your soul is so strong and the search to find something to satisfy it is coming up short.  Those are the times we are searching for our God who makes himself known to us as the Creator, as the Holy Spirit, and as Jesus who made the relationship even more personal by entering our world in the flesh.

Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother, And in His name all oppression shall cease.

May we worship him with reverence and admiration this Christmas season.

Fall on your knees…Oh hear the angel voices…Oh night divine…Oh night when Christ was born

Exposed to the Elements

"We hear a Christian assure someone that he will 'pray over' his problem, knowing full well that he intends to use prayer as a substitute for service.  It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs may be supplied than to actually supply them." A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men.

Lately I have encountered more people on the street.  Out of all the years I worked in Haiti where homelessness is common, it's a situation at home that I realize I need to face.  Judgment and preconceived notions tend to creep in.

I struggle.

I am skeptical.

I have trouble looking a person in the eye who is holding a sign at a busy intersection or leaning against a building along a busy road.

I battle between the feeling that I should do something and the feeling that the person probably isn't truly in need.

I am facing this battle.

During my drive each week to south St. Louis, I pass someone standing on the corner after I exit the highway.  It's not always the same person; sometimes it is.  I catch myself taking quick glances when I don't think said person is paying attention...and my battle begins: Should I help?  Or Not?  I kept falling on the side of "not."  My gut would say, "Don't ignore it," but my head would tell me to keep going.

One day while perusing the library, I stumbled across the book Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski.

Now I can't see things the same way.

A few ways in which my eyes are opening in regards to the homeless in my community:

• It is exhausting to spend hours trying to find the basic things a person needs in any given day when he doesn't have regular access to a kitchen, a toilet, or a safe place to sleep.  (And I complain because my daughter uses all the hot water in the morning...)
• The need for people to offer friendship and encouragement is real.  In the book, the author talks about what he witnessed when a youth group came to work at a mission he was staying in.

"Over the next few days, I watched a subtle transformation happening in them, too.  The kids moved from timidity and caution to comfort and confidence.  By the end of the week, most of them were enjoying themselves, bringing a welcome gift of friendship and encouragement to the whole place.  Something critical is missing in places that care for the broken and needy if the only people there are also broken and needy.  Without the presence of people in the rescue missions whose lives are not defined by addiction, alcoholism, crime, and mental illness, there is little positive influence" (Yankosi  36).

• Whether or not I am able to help in a certain situation, eye contact, conversation, and basic human interaction show respect and allow a person to maintain their dignity.
• We are all messed up, so why do I tend to have an attitude of superiority...because my actions haven't landed me on the streets?

I started looking for ways I could begin moving out of my comfort zone and came across this blog post that addressed some of the issues I have been battling.  Should I make up bags to give to the man or woman usually on the corner I drive past every week?  Should I carry a few extra bucks?  Should I focus on donating to or serving in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter or a shower ministry?

This can become controversial when one starts looking for ideas.  What I do know is immediate needs should be met, but working towards long-term changes is critical.  

I don't have many answers yet, but my heart is changing and I'm working to do the hard things instead of avoiding the topic.

I am encouraged by stories of those who are on the front lines serving the broken, like Jake Austin with Shower to the People.  Jake's wife and mother-in-law traveled with me on my first trip to Haiti 12 years ago. Talk about people who love others where they are!

Although I don't know where I am headed with all of this, Tozer's words ring true: we too often use prayer as a "substitute for service."  May that be something we reconsider in all areas.

Doodle

Today I said goodbye to my buddy, my pup who has been by my side for the last 9 years.  It came as a total surprise, and I am still struggling to believe that he's not going to walk into my room at any minute.

We adopted Jack from the APA when he was a year old.  We knew nothing about Labradoodles at the time, but he was a sweet dog and the first (and only) pup we visited with on the first day we began looking for a new addition to the family.  We lucked out, plain and simple.

Jack immediately fit in to our family.  He was extremely active, and if he had a ball with him, he was in heaven.  He never met a tennis ball he didn't love, and he would fetch all day if you let him.  As he aged, sometimes those hours of fetch ended up with a dose of an anti-inflammatory, but it never seemed to slow him down much.  He had taken more breaks in the last couple of years, but then he would trot over again and drop his ball at your feet.

Jack never met a person he didn't like, and the feeling was mutual.  Our two closest neighbors considered him part of the family.  They'd play ball with him, let him hang out with them if they were working outside, and in general enjoyed having him around (for the most part.  I guarantee he was underfoot at times, too.)  I'll never forget the time when a maintenance worker, who had done work at the neighbor's house a week before ours, knocked on the door to let me know he was there and asked where Jack was.  I had never met the worker before, but he had played ball with Jack when he was working across the street.  Unfortunately, Jack was at the groomer that day, but that's a prime example of the type of pup Jack was.  Friend to all.

Jack needed to be close to his people.  He would lie down on my feet or climb on the couch and put his head on my lap.  He would lie down in the kitchen a few feet away while I cooked or lie down under the table if that's where someone was sitting.  Devoted buddy.

I mentioned that he was active.  His favorite place was running around outside on our three acres.  Four years ago, we almost lost him because of this, however.  Jack came across a wild animal (believed to have been a mountain lion), and he was attacked.  Our vet did surgery on him and I believe saved his life.  After that, he didn't roam as much and stayed closer to the house, but he still preferred to be outside and loved it even more if one of his people were out there, too.

Friday night, Jack kept waking us up because he was coughing.  Then he'd want to go outside.  He sounded like he was going to vomit a couple of times, but never did.  We assumed he had gotten into something, like he often did.  All day Saturday, I thought he was moving slower and he just didn't seem himself, but it was not an obvious situation of knowing something serious was going on.  Again, just assumed his belly was upset.  Sunday night, after he didn't eat dinner, I started feeling around on his belly and noticed how hard it was.  I also realized he had never vomited like he would normally have had he eaten something bad.  Things just weren't right, but I couldn't pinpoint the problem.  I was concerned he might have had a blockage or something and called an animal hospital.  They told me they needed to see him.  Still from the time we left until the time the vet came back to talk to me after his X-rays, I thought Jack was ok.

What I did not expect to hear:  "He has a large tumor on his spleen."  He was bleeding and had an infection.  The outlook was grim.  Without rehashing the details, I decided to take him home to let him see the kids one more time, to allow them to say goodbye.  I was told he may not make it through the night.  He did, but it was a rough night.  He was obviously uncomfortable and having trouble breathing.  We were able to get into our regular vet right away when the office opened and went over everything again.  The conclusion was there was no good solution for him, and we said our gut-wrenching goodbyes to him.  

I can't believe how fast everything happened.  I miss him like crazy and can't believe my buddy is gone.  He walked with me through some hard stuff: finishing my degree, our adoption process, and many, many other things.  I could always count on him.

May you have an endless supply of tennis balls, Doodle.  I love you forever!

http://www.apamo.org/jack-the-social-butterfly/