"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another." (Romans 12:15-16a)
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I have attempted to finish this post on grief since January, and my thoughts have ebbed and flowed.
When I started it, my focus was on losing someone through death. Grief, however, comes from more than physical death. Sometimes it comes from the loss of plans or dreams, from an estranged relationship, or from disappointment, among other things.
Grief is a strange bedfellow.
It can sneak up on you.
It can blindside you.
It can stop you dead in your tracks.
It can cause you to question everything.
And then it can lessen, and you can feel closer to "normal" than you did before.
But the cycle starts again out of the blue.
When I made my first attempt at writing this, I was thinking on the loss of two people very special to me about a month apart: on old friend who was very dear to me and a young woman who grew up with my daughters and was like part of our family for several years.
Both of those deaths shook me to my core and made the old adage "life is short" very real to me. That's when I saw how much I take for granted; time being the main thing.
Today as I write, it is also the eleventh anniversary of the death of my grandma. She passed on Good Friday, which fell on the date of her death again this year. I can remember exactly where I was when I found out. I can remember the regret I have for not getting to her before she was gone. (I had plans to be at her house a couple of hours later, but that was too late.) I can remember the deep pain of losing one of the most important people in my life like it was yesterday and also the guilt of not being there in her final moments. (That's a long story for another day.)
My grandma's death changed my perspective on many things -- primarily on my priorities, especially when in my gut I feel like I need to do something differently. Oftentimes that gut feeling I get is really the Holy Spirit prompting me to act. Too many times I have ignored it.
Today as I remember Grandma's life and her influence on me, I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am that I know we'll spend eternity together because we both have trusted in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. I have the same hope and reassurance when I think of my two friends I lost a few months ago.
However, that doesn't make the grief go away. Sometimes the strangest things can trigger a memory, which can bring laughter or tears.
And what about those things that I grieve for that do not have a positive outcome that I can see?
What about the death of one you love who doesn't know Jesus?
What about the rejection of a loved one and being shut out of their life?
What about debilitating health issues that are not going away this side of heaven?
How do I encourage and minister to someone grieving any type of loss? What if I am the one grieving?
The answer to all of these questions: Turn to the Great Healer, the Ultimate Encourager, the Lover of our Souls.
Read His word; meditate on it. Cry out to Him; He can take whatever you need to dish out. Lean on your support system; be open and honest with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Find a trusted friend who can lift you up. Remind your grieving friend of the truth and be the one who always points them back to their Healer.
(This is not meant to be an exhaustive list for how to handle grief or on how to help someone grieving. This is one woman's thoughts on walking through a valley of grief right now and how it is changing my perspective on life.)
My family was recently looking through a photo album from my husband's 40th birthday ten years ago. My daughter started pointing out people in the photos whom we have lost in the last decade, and that didn't include those who weren't at the party. Another reminder to me that "life is short."
So what do I do with this? What do I do with my time, my sadness, my memories, my ups and downs?
Stay focused on the One who saves me and love those around me. This life is temporary, but we can be useful while we still have the time here on earth, even when we are suffering. We can still be a voice that shares the hope of Christ. We can still be an encourager.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." (Romans 12:9-14)
Those are words written to followers of Jesus...instructions we should take to heart and put into practice.
But what about for those who do not know Jesus? I'll say it again, Life is short. Knowing Jesus is the best thing that can happen to you. Seek him. Trust him.
He is worth it.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17
(If you find yourself in a deep cycle of grief, please seek help. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but a way to work through your issues with someone who can look at your situation objectively.)
